We See Everything (Yes, Everything)
Let me tell you a secret. We cleaners notice far more than we’re given credit for. We’re like office ninjas—quiet, efficient, and fully aware that your drawer is hiding a three-year-old cereal bar next to six highlighters and a random sock.
This isn’t about tattling. We’re not judging (well, maybe just a little). It’s about letting you in on what it’s like to clean up after a day of spreadsheets, sandwiches, and silent desk arguments. Because once you’ve cleaned a hundred offices across London, you learn things. Things you wish your clients knew.
So here it is—everything we’ve always wanted to say. With love, a little elbow grease, and a fair bit of disinfectant.
1. That Fancy Office Smell? It’s Usually Just Bleach and a Prayer
We all love a clean smell. But let me break your heart gently: that “fresh” scent? It’s often bleach, masked with a waft of lemon spray, followed by a hopeful breeze through an open window.
Some clients expect their office to smell like a luxury spa. Unfortunately, that’s not how cleaning works. Real clean doesn’t have a scent. If your office doesn’t smell of anything—that’s us doing a good job.
On the other hand, if it smells of leftover fish pie and despair? Someone forgot to empty the bin again.
We’ve got our little tricks—white vinegar for certain stains, bicarb to kill fridge funk—but mostly, it’s about old-fashioned scrubbing and praying Sandra from accounts doesn’t microwave curry again.
2. Your Desk Is a Bacterial Buffet—Especially If You Eat There
You wouldn’t eat lunch off a toilet seat, would you? Well, some desks we clean are dirtier than that.
Look, we get it. Sometimes, you’re too busy to take a proper break. But when you’re munching through a sandwich while emailing Dave in finance, your keyboard turns into a sesame-seed graveyard. Not to mention the fingerprints, crumbs, coffee rings, and mystery splashes that somehow make it to the monitor.
We once cleaned a desk where someone had managed to spill yoghurt under their mouse mat. I still have questions.
A simple wipe once in a while wouldn’t hurt. But if you don’t do it, we will. Just don’t act surprised when we lift your keyboard and release a mini avalanche.
3. We’re Not Judging You, But… We Kinda Are
Let’s be honest—we’ve all done things at work, and we hope no one notices. But if you think your office cleaner hasn’t seen your secret drawer of protein bars, spare socks, and an electric foot massager, think again.
There’s no shame. We’ve seen worse. Much worse.
Once, we found an entire party hat collection under a desk. Another time, a staff room sofa had a full bag of frozen chips stuffed behind the cushions. Still cold.
We don’t gossip. We don’t take photos. We just clean, raise an eyebrow, and carry on. But between ourselves? Oh, we definitely tell stories, just not with names. We’re professional, not heartless.
4. The Break Room Is a War Zone
If you want to know what sort of team works in an office, head to the kitchen. The tidier the fridge and microwave, the less chaos there is. If there’s a mysterious plastic container in the back of the fridge that’s developed eyes… well, that tells us something too.
We once opened a communal fridge and found an entire roast chicken from 2020. Wrapped in foil. Untouched. Terrifying.
Then there’s the microwave—splattered with the remains of five different meals and an occasional cup of milk someone “just warmed for 30 seconds.” Burnt porridge, pasta sauce, someone’s attempt at instant ramen… they all leave their mark.
If your break room smells like a failed food court and the sink’s full of coffee spoons, no one claims—we know exactly how the rest of the office runs.
5. We Know When You’ve Switched Cleaners (and We Can Tell Why)
We’re not nosy, but when we walk into a new office, we can smell it if the previous team phoned it in.
How? The carpet edges tell the tale. So do the dusty corners behind doors, sticky patches under bins, and vents clogged with six months of fluff. We once started a contract where the “cleaners” had apparently never looked up—the cobwebs on the ceiling fan were older than some of the interns.
It’s not our job to judge the last crew. But if they weren’t doing it properly, we’re going to fix it. Just don’t be surprised if we need a few visits to get things back to normal.
And maybe don’t tell us you were “mostly happy with them” while we’re scraping hardened chewing gum off the floor behind the printer.
6. The Best Clients Are the Ones Who… Just Say Hello
You don’t have to leave us chocolates (though someone did once, and we cried a little). You don’t need to write sonnets about our vacuuming. But a simple “hi” when we walk past? That’s gold.
Some offices treat cleaning staff like ghosts. We get in early or late, or we’re in uniform, and suddenly we’re invisible.
But we’re people. We’re often the first ones in and the last ones out. We’ve dealt with blocked toilets, exploded coffee machines, and bins that defy physics. We’ve caught leaks before they wrecked ceilings. And if you’re nice? We’ll even fish your USB stick out from under the cabinet without making a fuss.
So say hello. Ask our name. Let us know the window in Meeting Room 2 sticks. We’ll remember—and we’ll care more.
We Clean It, But You Live in It
Office cleaning isn’t glamorous. It’s mopping, wiping, and sometimes holding your breath for an uncomfortable amount of time. But it matters. It shapes how your team feels, how your clients see you, and how smoothly your day goes.
We’re not just there to empty bins. We’re there to notice when the heating smells weird or when someone’s been sneaking chicken nuggets into the filing cabinet. We care—probably more than you realise.
So next time you walk into a sparkling office and think, “Wow, this place is spotless,” remember: it didn’t get that way by accident.
And yes, we did see that biscuit you dropped. We swept it up. You’re welcome.